A MENTAL HEALTH STORYTELLING SERIES
“It's always everyone else before me. It's always taking care of my mom, taking care of her kids, taking care of my clients, taking care of my partner. It's pouring and pouring into them. I never pour into myself.
So I started doing all these things for myself. I was taking on the clients I wanted to take on. I started doing my podcast. I was getting bookings to host events. I was doing all these festivals. I was doing things that truly made me feel good, and I was happy.
And I met this woman, Calaís, and a lot of things she taught me really helped me last year. I felt like I was building up patience & positivity – I was in such a good space. I was only doing what felt good to me. For example: Only say what you want. Only do things that feel good to you. If it doesn't feel good to you, don't do it.
Basically I got together with my most recent boyfriend, and for 3 months I was super happy and on Cloud Nine. But then we moved past the honeymoon phase. And my career got to a point where I needed more stable income. I’m an attorney, so I got a steady job. I hadn’t been doing my podcast interviews, hosting events, or any festivals. I hated my new job from the start, but I was tolerating it. Then we got a new supervisor, and it was no longer tolerable.
Not only is he condescending, but he’s an idiot. He’s filing declarations that are incorrect with my name on them in federal and state court. Some of it I have to answer for, and some of it I can get in trouble for. I confronted him and ended up screaming at him in my office. No matter how bad he pissed me off, I'm more pissed off that I reacted like that. I snapped in a professional environment, and I definitely shouldn't be doing that. I should’ve just left the office instead of saying anything.
I've noticed with my ex, with the new job supervisor, with people online – I have not been able to resist the urge to respond. It's like an undying flame on the inside – that I MUST get the last word. I MUST say something worse. I MUST say how I feel. It's like I have no self-control when I'm angry.
I’ve learned that being patient and positive starts with my own happiness. So how do I get back to that?!”
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