"No one thinks they're going to have postpartum psychosis. I thought that was for crazy people. I would have never thought that would be me. Prior to this, I had never seen a therapist for anything. I’d never been on an antidepressant. I’d been able to cope, I'd been able to adapt. If I was feeling upset, I’d go for a run.
It wasn't my fault I had postpartum depression. It's something that happens often to women after they have babies. I really feel people don't understand the severity of it and that it can be really bad. It's not just oh you're a little sad.
All those people that came to meet my newborn just assumed this was the best time of my life – I felt it kept pushing the knife in more and more and more. Every time somebody would say that to me, it would just sneak the wound deeper.
If someone had said, 'Hey, I know this can be a really hard time. How are you doing?' instead of assuming this is the best time of my life – if someone had just asked me how I was doing –it's very likely I would've said, 'I'm not good.'
I don't really remember the first eight months of my son’s life. I don't remember his first bath. I don't remember feeding him. I talk about pumping, but I don't actually remember doing it. I was in this fog.
I think if just one person would've asked me how I was doing, I think I would've done better.
Maybe I could have enjoyed being a mom at month three rather than month ten. It still makes me a little sad when I look back and think, Oh my God, I spent so many months not enjoying my time with my son.
I wish I could go back – but I can't. There’s a lot of things in parenthood that you only get to do once."